Xherdan Shaqiri handed his side a perfect start with a fifth-minute opener, before Bastian Schweinsteiger doubled the lead on 19 minutes and Claudio Pizarro netted the third with half an hour played.
Arjen Robben continued the first-half rout in the 33rd minute and Pizarro added another on the stroke of half-time after Shaqiri's shot had hit the post.
Bayern could have been forgiven for taking their foot off the accelerator after such an electric half, but there was no sign Hamburg would be spared further humiliation as they continued to rain in goals.
Just five minutes after the restart, Pizarro back-heeled in for his treble before Robben's delightful chip made it 7-0, still with just 54 minutes played.
Substitutes Franck Ribéry and Thomas Müller were determined to join in the festivities, and combined perfectly to tee up Pizarro for a fourth in the 68th minute.
Jeffrey Bruma did score for Hamburg a quarter of an hour from time, but Ribéry maintained the eight-goal difference by curling a shot beyond René Adler a minute later.
Heiko Westermann nodded Hamburg's second consolation four minutes from the end, but there was nothing to celebrate for the visitors captain after a humiliating evening in Munich.
Westermann told Sky Sport after the match: "There's no explanation for that. I'm ashamed for myself and the team. The way we've played today is unbelievable.
"I'm sorry for the fans and the club. That has to be the worst defeat in Hamburg's history, and there's no explanation. It was a shocking display, and painful for everyone who had to watch."
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